10 Beers Tree Will Be Trying Based On Name Only at MI Food, Beer and Wine Fest
I’m not a very selective beer drinker — usually a Coors Light, Sam Adams, or whatever’s on special does the trick — but there are over 100 Michigan Brewed Beers on Tap at this Saturday’s Food, Beer and Wine Fest. Since I have no idea which beers are best, here is a list of the beers I’ll be chugging based solely on the coolness of their name.
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I have not had this one before, but you can bet your ass that I’ll be drinking the beer with my name in it all night.
Not only is this the beer most likely to also be the name of a metal album, but it’s also 9% alcohol. In case you’re not well versed in alcoholism, most regular beers (Budweiser, Coors, etc.) clock in around 5%, while light beers (Coors Light, Miller Light, Bud Light) clock in around 4.2%. Bottom line: Final Absolution will get you drunk. If you’re looking to stretch the 5 sample tickets you get w/ your admission into a buzz – this is a great place to start!
Angry Orchard Cider
I’m a Sam Adams dude. Straight up. While Boston Lager (Which is also available at the Perani this Sat!) remains my favorite, I’ll try pretty much anything Sam puts on the market. With recent ciders like Redd’s being more beer-like and less heartburn-y, I’m more open to these types of drinks now. Sam Adams is one of the few breweries on the bill for Saturday that are not based in Michigan, so I’m very excited to see my favorite will be at the party as well!
Bulldog Red American Amber Ale
There are a few things I already love about this beer I’ve never had. The first being that they include the word “American.” The only way you could improve on that would be with ‘Merican. Second, the brewery is named Cranker’s (if you don’t get it, you’re obviously not as dumb and immature as I am). Third, it’s made in Big Rapids. My band played an open house there back in the day and while the town is not as “big” as the name might imply — they know how to party! Any beer coming out of that area has got my interest.
I will be drinking this out of respect for the late, great Dirt McGirt aka O.D.B aka The Osirus aka Big Baby Jesus aka Ol’ Dirty Bastard. He was the drunkest member of the Wu-Tang Clan and he had 13 kids by at least 5 women. If he doesn’t deserve to have a beer named after him (even though this beer isn’t really named after him) I don’t know who does. I might even pour out some of my sample for Ol’ Dirty. R.I.P.
I spent a good chunk of my formidable years living on campus at CMU. Most of that time, I was a “Train Wreck.” So I’m going to pretend that my actions there inspired someone at the Mount Pleasant Brewing Company to name a brew after my beer-soaked college years.
Why would I drink a beer named “Cabin Fever?” Have you ever watched the movie? That is possibly the best/worst movie made in the last 15 years. I might just slam a few samples of this and walk around doing karate moves while yelling “pancakes!”
I’m a fan of The Doors (who isn’t?) and if you are familiar with their history, you know that their album titled ‘The Soft Parade’ was when Jim Morrison started getting really weird and really drunk. That’s good enough reason for me to try it.
Giant Slayer Russian Imperial Stout
Dude, this beer has “Slayer” in the name, it’s 9% and it’s Russian. I imagine Drago polished off a sixer of this before he beat Apollo Creed to death in ‘Rocky IV.’ Oops! Spoiler Alert.
Most of the beers on this list were chosen for rather crude reasons, I’m adding this one to my to-do list just because it sounds fancy. I’ll be drinking this one, pinky out, telling all of my highfalutin friends that they “simply must try the Ignescent Amber. It’s delightful!” in the voice that I imagine the Monopoly guy has.