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10 Reasons Vanity Plates Shouldn’t Exist

Duuuuude - I'm So Cool
Tobyotter, Flickr

I'm not a big fan of vanity plates, that's why I created the 10 reasons vanity plates shouldn't exist. In my mind it tells people that you're pretentious and narcissistic — why not have a sign on the back of your car that says, “IMADUSH”? There are a few people in the office who have vanity plates, I will say my apologies to them now. Check out the plates and descriptions after the jump.

Satan Drives a BMW
uberculture, Flickr



Who knew Satan drove a BMW?



Even those sent to purgatory have an ego — especially the main man of Hell himself, Satan. Being Satan must be a good career since he drives a BMW — in my mind I would have thought Satan would drive a hurst or better yet a Rat Fink rat rod. Way to go Satan, you kick off our 10 reasons list.


Snow Ho
gamma man, Flickr



Skier/Snowboarder, Drug Addict or Wintertime Prostitute?



I'm trying to figure out if this is a dude or chick's car! Secondly do they ski or snowboard, deal cocaine or are they just a wintertime prostitute? Vanity plates like this are senseless and unexplainable — it's just as bad as one that would say “PLEDNCR (pole dancer),” who cares if your a stripper, just drive you damn car.


Big Umms
bob b. brown, Flickr



Fake Breasts Aboard



This car definitely has to belong to a tramp or possibly a dude who really likes to tell people he likes big breasts — who doesn't, but we don't advertise it on our cars. I'm sure if you happen to drive by this car and see the license plate that you will definitely check out the drive to see if they indeed have “big umms.” This is a great example of why vanity plates shouldn't exist.


I Play the Best Air Guitar Ever!
Gamma Man, Flickr



I Play the Best Air Guitar Ever!



How old is the driver of this vehicle — 14? I don't think many adults spell rock — “rawk” — most people that do are teenagers. Plus, this person probably isn't in a real band, even if they are its a Winger cover band (remember them from the 80s?) Needless to say, this mullet wearing 80's throwback “rock star” needs to lose the vanity plate and get a haircut!


Life Advice via License Plates
John C Abell, Flickr



Self-help Advice Via License Plates



OK, this one is plainly ridiculous — of course we have been taught to “be humble” and respect our fellow humans — but we don't go around forcing it on the person driving behind us. What would happen if you rear-ended this person — I'm sure they wouldn't be humble if you just totalled their car — if they come out screaming, just point at their vanity plate. Be sure to tell the driver that you offer your most “humble” apology.


I'm Old and Proud of It
Gamma Man, Flickr



I’m Old And After the Young Guys



What guy hasn't gone cougar hunting? Here's the easiest way to get one — besides hitting the Old Country Buffet for the 3 PM specials — just follow this car. It would be a scary site to pull up behind this car and think, “Yes! I can finally mark nailing a cougar off my bucket list,” to find out it's an 80-year-old grandma coated in makeup just to get your attention. Warning: vanity plates are a form of false advertisement.


Warning - I Text When I Drive
Gamma Man, Flickr



Someone Texts Way Too Much



“OMG, like I ttly get wht ur sayin, I was ROTFLMAO!” There's a time and place for using shorthand writing, its called a restaurant, when your the waiter/waitress and sending in an order to the kitchen. This could be one of two people — a 16-year-old and their first car or a sorority girl. Either way they probably shouldn't be driving because they spend too much time texting.


My Other License Plate Says Sweet
Tobyotter, Flickr



My Other License Plate Says Sweet



I'm guessing this is Ashton Kutcher's car — he must have been so proud to star in “Dude, Where's My Car.” I would rather see “DUUUSH” on this vanity plate rather than “DUUUDE” — at least that way it tells the truth about the driver. Come on people this just proves my point that vanity plates shouldn't exist, the last two just put the nails in the coffin.


I Am Batman!
Gamma Man, Flickr



I Am Batman!



Yes, Dark Knight was a badass movie, but that doesn't warrant getting a license plate with the same name. The only way this would be a legit plate is if it was on the new and improved Batmobile, it's more than likely on something that Robin would drive — like a green Prius or a Vespa. You are not Batman, you are not the Dark Knight, you are just some tool that likes to tell everyone, “I have never been laid!” Move out of mommy and daddy's basement and lose the vanity plate.


My Parents Spent a Fortune on My Education
John C Abell, Flickr



My Parents Spent a Fortune on My Education



The No. 1 reason vanity plates should not exist, “IVYLEEG”! I'm not saying all Ivy League students are douches, but isn't that the impression we get from TV, movies and the attitudes of the New Englanders? Trust me, I know a few people who have attended an Ivy League school and they are alright people, but I'm pretty sure they don't have a vanity plate screaming in your face. So your smart, spent a lot of money on a piece of paper and probably spend too much money on sweater vests and khakis — I'll take my plain Jane license plate and you can keep the pretentious vanity plate.


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