11 Flint Things People Will Probably Bring to MI ‘Antiques Roadshow’ Taping
'Antiques Roadshow' is the OG of the entire pawn shop/auction reality TV kingdom, and is essentially porn for octogenarians, so the fact that it's coming to Michigan next year is probably a big deal for a lot of people. It's such a popular platform for people to find out if their trash is treasure, that you have to enter a lottery of sorts in order to attend the June 18th, 2018 taping in Rochester, Michigan -- you can find more specifics on how to do that by clicking here.
What I'm more interested in than getting on the show is seeing the ridiculous things people from the Flint area will bring in for appraisal. You know there's going to be a ton of hilarious non-antique stuff that's completely worthless and won't even make the final cut. Rather than lose all that stuff to the cutting room floor, I decided to guess what some of those items might be.
I've based the following on nothing more than a lifetime of living in Flint and quietly observing some of the ridiculous nostalgia people have for the good old days.
Vintage Bag of Flint Town Brown
You remember this stuff. Back in the day, there was no OG Kush or Purple Monster or whatever. There was just Shop Weed and Flint Town Brown. Shop Weed was the good stuff your dad got from work (and you would steal) and Flint Town Brown was, well, a barely smokeable dried out bag of nuggs that was just as likely to give you a headache as it was to get you high. The stems and seeds in this stuff alone usually accounted for half of the bag weight. Despite all that, you know some old Flintstoner will show up to the Roadshow with a bag they found in a coffee can and think it's worth money now.
Estimated Value: $20 / Ounce
Mid-1990s Sealed 2-Liter of Faygo Arctic Sun Autographed by ICP
Do you know how hard it is for a Juggalo to stare at an unopened bottle of discontinued Arctic Sun for over 20+ years and not drink it? Let's just say that amount of restraint alone should be worth something... but it's not and neither is this. Even with the autographs and hatchetman neck tattoo that doubles as the certificate of authenticity.
Estimated Value: MI 10¢ Deposit
Will Ferrell's Partially Eaten Dumpster Pancakes from the Filming of 'Semi-Pro'
Yeah, there were some leftovers from the one scene they actually filmed in Flint for the forgettable 2008 sports comedy. Seriously, I know a guy that took one of the dumpster pancakes as a souvenir. I'm willing to bet there's still a few of these kicking around on the Flint black market that will show up in June.
Estimated Value: Less than the $7.50 you spent on the ticket for this just okay movie
Eric Mays' City Issued Laptop
In a completely expected development that everyone saw coming, Eric Mays will show up and try to sell his work laptop again.
Estimated Value: $100 + $300 in Fines and 1 Week of Community Service
Some Guy from Lapeer w/ a Confederate Flag Tattoo and Absolutely No Southern Roots
They're not quite antiques yet, but hopefully, they will be soon.
Estimated Value: Minimum Wage OBO
The Blond Half of Tony LaBrie's 1980s Power Mullet
Estimated Value: Priceless (Sorry, Tony.)
Handwritten Receipt to Tiger Woods from 2009 Buick Open Private After-Party
Tiger Woods won the last Buick Open in 2009, right before all those skeletons came pouring out of his closet. So he had probably reached peak sex maniac around then, as evidenced by this receipt for "services rendered" written on Crank's Motel stationary.
Estimated Value: At least $1 Million if you have a time machine and TMZ's email address
Commemorative Flyer for Newsmaker's 30th Anniversary Show at the Nightingale
This one might not land with you guys, but your parents are gonna love it.
Estimated Value: A Celebrations t-shirt
The Last Order of Crazy Bread Made by the Little Caesars Inside the Belsay Rd K-Mart
Not only were there K-Mart stores open in Genesee County back in the day, some of them were actually busy enough to have restaurants in them.
Estimated Value: $2.49 + and an additional 79¢ charge if you pay with credit card
2008 Burton Gus Macker Tournament 3rd Place Trophy
Never before had the parking lot of Showcase Cinemas East seen such prolific 35-year-old former high school basketball starters dribble a ball. It really was a sight to behold.
Estimated Value: Free to anyone willing to listen to a story about how "we would've won if I didn't tear my ACL in the quarterfinals."
The Shopping Cart Al Kessel Threw Food into During Every Commerical
Fun Fact: He always used the same cart. Another Fun Fact: That's probably not true.
Estimated Value: Tree Nine-y Nine (read in thick Al Kessel "Da Bears" accent)
WELL, THAT'S IT. I KNOW YOU WILL ANYWAY, SO FEEL FREE TO TELL ME I SUCK BECAUSE I LEFT OUT ________ ON FACEBOOK.