Your hair is coiffed. Your breath is a minty collection of Crest, Scope and Ice Breakers gum. Your scent is a dazzling aroma that says “seduction.”
In short, you are ready for your first date with the man or woman who may one day become the mother or father of your children.
Before you start discussing center pieces at your wedding and signing up for the waiting list at the posh daycare in town, though, there are some key things you should not say on that first date in order to avoid ruining that glorious future.
Here are 15 things you can say on a first date that will end the relationship before you can even say “match-dot-com.”
“Actually, you also had dessert, so you’re going to have to throw in another eight bucks.”
“We need to turn around. I left my gift card for dinner at home.”
“Let me get a picture of you just in case we need to give a ‘last seen’ photo to the cops.”
“I have a great night planned for us. I don’t want to give too much away, but let me ask just you -- how do you feel about cockfighting?”
“I have a 10:00 curfew.”
“Can you sign this release?”
“This is a pretty big date because it will tell me once and for all whether or not I’m gay.”
“You look just like my mommy."
“I’m all about putting women first. I mean, I did let you take the window seat on the bus.”
“Before we go to dinner, I’m going to need to stop by my grandmother’s house to give her a sponge bath.”
“You look about 20 pounds lighter in your profile picture.”
“I like big butts and I cannot lie. All you other brothers can’t deny.”
“Let’s lighten the mood a little. Where do you stand on abortion?”
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