Cameron Simcik
Cameron Simcik is a graduate of Bucknell University. She has written for Her Campus and is currently the Philadelphia Travel City Editor for The Daily Meal and a contributing writer for TheFW and GuySpeed.
Hurricane Sandy was the sassiest of storms, to say the least -- the entire East Coast was affected in one way or another. Although the worst of the weather is over, Frankenstorm has still forced millions of people to stay inside and wait for outside damage to be cleared. Cue: major cabin fever.
Happy Halloween all you Halloweeners! Aside from the whole boatloads of candy thing, there are two awesome things we're excited about today: it's socially acceptable to dress up like a disgustingly gruesome zombie in public, and we get to nerd out over jack-o-lanterns. Could it get much better?! Surprisingly, yes.
Dressing up our furry friends means they're usually subject to embarrassment among other pups. However, we think it's the small price they pay for being so darn adorable. That being said, we've already made our Star-Wars-meets-puppies obsession pretty clear, what with the discovery of Ewok dogs and Princess Leia pugs. Could the fantasy flick and canine combo get any cuter?! Luckily for us, yes.
Recently we've started to compile a list of awesome things to put in our will, like having strippers at our funeral. While it might seem like a weird death request, all we really want is to go out with a bang, and it turns out a lady over in Serbia understands our logic.
There is no such thing as an ugly baby. Kidding. There are and one guy divorced his wife for having an ugly baby.
Funerals are like those Lifetime movie marathons our women watch -- we hate them so much that a sturdy kick in the balls would be better than sitting through one. Unless of course said funeral is amped up with a couple of funeral strippers, in which case, awesome. Other than that, what else could possibly make such a depressing and sappy crap fest more bearable? How about not actually being dead?
We love our parents; we really do. It's just that during those early years, they can seem like the most embarrassing people on the planet. It's tough enough growing up (kudos to you if you can read the word "puberty" without wincing) without lame-o parents humiliating you, but when it comes to two parents in Wisconsin, we have to admit they've surpassed "embarrassing" and jumped straight to "awesome."
When it comes to getting out of cop trouble, women have it way easier than us guys. It’s not like we have the luxury of flashing our racks to get out of tickets, although that’d be really awesome. Wait, do women even do that? They should.
Few things are most satisfying than pulling off a really, really good prank. We're talking about the scare-your-pants-off kind that leaves our unsuspecting little siblings and friends falling victim to tons of spazzing out and the occasional tear or two. Basically, it's the best kind of mean joke around, but it's all in good fun!
As true gentleman, there are a few things we’ll never do. These include turning down an opportunity to receive a yoga boner and picking a fight with a grandma. Chivalry is dead these days, so it’s our duty to bring that crap back. While feasting our eyes upon yoga butt will never go out of style, Granny’s the one switching things up recently; Khandace Cossit has got some major beef, and she’s looking for a fight.
Honestly, how scary can a 56-year-old from Sandston, Virginia be? Answer: very.
Just like our fellow testosterone-sweating, meat-loving friend Ron Swanson, we’re big fans of bacon. To put our love for the greasy snack into perspective, learning about the horrific pending bacon shortage sent us into a minor panic attack, but it’s difficult to fully encompass our feelings for the meat strips. Luckily, a bacon-loving middle-schooler has done that for us.
Discovering a Pikachu pug or a Rabbi cat will never, ever get old. We have absolutely no explanation regarding this adorably aww-worthy obsession, but we’re pretty sure most of you will agree with us. But why does it seem like we limit our dressing-up-pets possibilities to dogs, cats and the occasional baby pig? It’s about time sheep took a whack at this whole costume funny business, and we couldn’t have hoped for a better debut.