Britney Spears Minus Auto-Tune Proves You Can Turn Being Hot as a Teenager Into a Music Career
Britney Spears has somehow managed to turn her very small pile of “lemons” into a multi-million dollar, multi-platinum Dixie cup of “lemonade.” Hear the musical equivalent of biting into a lemon for the first time as we are introduced to Britney Spears’ voice, sans auto-tune or sleek post-production.
In the above statement, we used “lemons” as a metaphor for “talent” and “lemonade” in place of “career,” because hearing Britney sing without auto-tune is less enjoyable than taking a pitcher of lemonade (made without sugar) and pouring it directly into your earhole. However, we have never before heard the pop-songstress’ voice unaccompanied by heavy, heavy post production.
She doesn’t sing her songs live in concert… hell, calling them “her songs” is even a stretch. Check her discography and you’ll see that every song prior to her fourth album was written by someone else or a team of other people, with the exception of two songs she “co-wrote.” After that album, where she co-wrote several tracks, she then returned to a more “hands-off” approach to songwriting.
Yet, this is the crap people still buy millions of copies of. A song written by professional cliche artists, sung by a person who can’t audibly sing (without heavy, heavy post-production) that sloppily dances to said songs while lip-synching them at her concerts. She’s basically a stripper that doesn’t get naked and isn’t as good at dancing. Why are people still buying “her music” you ask? Because when she was a sexy teenager, she dressed up and acted like a naughty schoolgirl in a music video. That one music video launched an entire career, which still stands tall today despite having a foundation made of s—.
Rock bands who write their own music still struggle to pay the bills, but pour their hearts out performing to crowds of hundreds (if they’re lucky) night after night. On the flip-side, talent-less hacks like Britney Spears — a formerly attractive woman who you’d throw your full, $8 beer at to get her to stop singing at karaoke night — continue to thrive and be successful. This, my friends, is the Cancer of the music industry.