My birthday is right around the corner so I thought I'd get my wish list out in time enough for you to shop. I will be the ripe old age of 29 on Saturday. Granted, I'm not nearly as old as Maggie and Tony, but I'm feeling it. So without any further adew, my birthday wish list.

  • Pre-paid bar tabs

    I don't always go to the bar -- but when I do, I get hammered

    With that said, I would greatly appreciate a pre-paid tab at my favorite watering holes for my birthday. Just see Ashley at Kickers, Tiffany at Sharkys and Tracy at The Machine Shop, they will know what to do.

  • I need a gun...

    An Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time.

    If you tell me that I'll shoot my eye out, I'm punching you in the throat.

    Scott Barbour, Getty Images
  • Mila Kunis' Clothes

    Bring her clothes to me...

    This item might be a bit tough to acquire because I don't want just any item of clothing from her. I require the clothes off her back to fully enjoy item #4.

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  • Mila Kunis

    After the acquisition of item #3.

    I will also need some booze and about 7.5 minutes. I don't think there is a need to explain this one.

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  • Tissues and therapy for Mila

    Again, no real explanation needed.
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  • Enriched Uranium

    Don't worry, I have no plans for world domination.

    I couldn't decide between the Uranium and a pet turtle so I flipped a coin. Looks like pet turtle will be on the Christmas list now.

    David McNew, Getty Images