10 More Crazy Sex Laws You’re Probably Breaking Right Now
Earlier we told you about 10 crazy sex laws that actually exist. In that piece of journalistic excellence, we examined just where you CAN’T get away with porking fat animals, drinking, shooting your gun, or swearing while between the sheets. Crazy sex laws are fun for everyone, except people caught in the act.
How can it get any crazier than that? You’d be surprised. If you’ve got some free time on your hands, may we suggest this ultimate road trip to flip the bird to the pigs? We’ve got 10 more crazy ext acts to carry out below.
Washington Is For Virgins
“It is against the law to have sex with a virgin under any circumstances. (Including the wedding night).”
Hopefully, it’s okay after that wedding night. Also, there must be a ton of gay virgins out there. Well, that is, until June 7th when the state is scheduled to begin granting same-sex marriages. So, all you Seahawks fans who were hoping to swipe Timmy Tebow’s V-card while he was in Seattle, start planning your whirlwind matrimonials now.
Indiana Hates Face Hair
“Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.”
No wonder Tom Selleck never attended the Indy 500. Also, how does one get labeled a ‘habitually kisser’? Is there some type of test? “That’s one too many kisses today sir! We’re going to have to ask you to shave.”
Minnesota Says “NO FIsh Sex”
“It is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish.”
Dead fish are totally cool, though. Good to see the Gopher State supporting aquatic necrophilia.
Arizona Wants To See Your Privates
“Female breasts, according to the Arizona Supreme Court, don’t constitute ‘private parts’ under state law.”
Therefore, they are public parts and everyone should be able to use them. Alright ladies, whip them out. It’s hot here, so were only trying to help
No Sex to Settle Bets In Alabama
“An old ordinance bans women from using promises of certain physical activities to pay off a bet on a match they are playing. Nor may they initiate sex while hanging around a pool hall.”
So, if you want to find the most thrilling and dangerously slutty women, hit up the pool hall. Who knew that the sport in which you use a stick to put your balls in a hole would get the ladies so worked up.
Prostitutes Don’t Make Change
“Prostitutes are not obliged to make change for bills larger than $50.”
Hey man, if you’re using a $100, just go for the gusto and let it ride. Your penis will thank you later.
No Sex In Front of the Wildlife
“Making love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day is illegal.”
That is one helluva wedding. Anyone else picturing a bride and groom in their tux and gown watching the hands on a clock tick down to midnight while holding a rod and a shotgun in the woods? We wonder if the couple in the infamous viral video, “Shake That Bear” had just cut the cake?
Oklahoma Doesn’t Like Peeping Toms
“No masturbating while watching two people having sex in a car.”
But, poking the car window with your boner is A-OK. There seems to be a lot of leeway here. What if someone else masturbates you? What if you hump the gas tank? What if you close your eyes?
“At a rodeo it is illegal to have sex with a rodeo clown in the presence of horses.”
Those horses are such chickens. This was the one reason we backed out of tryouts in Boston. How come rodeo clowns are getting singled out? Wouldn’t you be more worried about the bulls freaking out?
Don’t Be a ‘Dick’
“It is illegal for any member of the legislature to conduct official business wearing a penis costume while the legislature is in session.”
Almost makes us want to run for election in Nevada and wear a penis costume to work every day.