A woman sits behind bars for attacking her boyfriend after he refused to give her a ride on the ol' bologna pony. Usually we'd be like, "Whaaaaaaat?" However, this time we were more like, as Smokey from 'Friday' would say, "Daaaaaaaaaaamn!"

The boyfriend of Augusta, Georgia's Tabathia Lee Grooms may be guilty of little more than finally regaining full vision and assuming his girlfriend was all bark and no bite. Clearly, he had never looked at that grill before if that was his assumption.

Apparently, Tabathia, 35, came home June 24th around 11:30p to find her boyfriend on the couch. By her own admission, she was drunk and still upset that he had refused her admission to the bone coaster earlier in the day. We're guessing she was also upset about their lack of dental coverage. Grooms pounced on him and began to claw at his face, head and neck, and eventually bit his arm, which we can only assume looked like a special effect from 'The Walking Dead.'

As if that part of the story wasn't good enough, Grooms threatened to run over officers responding to the call with a baby stroller, and, at some point during the altercation, punched her 66-year-old mother in the face. She currently resides at the Richmond County Jail and is set to face simple family battery charges.

If I was her man, I'd drop all charges, go straight down to the jail, firmly press my lips against hers, slowly drag my tongue across those teeth and then... hold on just a minute...

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