Contact Us

Exotic Dancer Calls Cops Because Guy Won’t Answer His Door


lady of the evening
Paula Bronstein, Getty Images

When it comes to ordering things over the phone like exotic dancers and high-class hookers, a man has to be careful that he does not get served a welfare hussy instead.

However, if some gangly looking sexual petri dish does show up at your door ready to perform services and you feel your standards haven’t been properly met by the pseudo reputable agency that did the bidding for you, your best bet is to pretend you’re not home.

That’s exactly what happened over the weekend in Portsmouth, Virginia, when a woman claiming to be an exotic dancer called police to report a theft. When police arrived, the dancer said she wanted to file a theft report because the man would not answer the door even though she was called out to his place to conduct private services.

According to Police Captain Mike Schwartz, the dancer had no grounds for reporting a theft. “She never danced, so I would be hard pressed to say it was theft of services,” said Schwartz. “Now if she was a professional doorbell ringer…”

Captain Schwartz believes the situation was caused by a peephole case of buyer’s remorse. He even found time to make jokes about himself. “Maybe you were expecting Mikhail Baryshnikov and you got someone looking like Mike Schwartz,” he said. “I wouldn’t answer the door either.”

Eh, that all depends on how much he charges.

NEXT: Women Selling 'Used' Copies of 50 Shaded of Grey

Best of Banana 101.5

Recommended For You

Best of the Web

Leave a Comment

It appears that you already have an account created within our VIP network of sites on . To keep your personal information safe, we need to verify that it's really you. To activate your account, please confirm your password. When you have confirmed your password, you will be able to log in through Facebook on both sites.

Forgot your password?

*Please note that your prizes and activities will not be shared between programs within our VIP network.

It appears that you already have an account on this site associated with . To connect your existing account just click on the account activation button below. You will maintain your existing VIP profile. After you do this, you will be able to always log in to using your original account information.

*Please note that your prizes and activities will not be shared between programs within our VIP network.

Please fill out the information below to help us provide you a better experience.

(Forgot your password?)

Not a member? Sign up here

Please solve this simple math problem to prove that you are a real person.

Sign up for Friends With Benefits quickly by connecting your Facebook account. It's just as secure and no password to remember!

Sign up to have exclusive Friends With Benefits contests, events, coupons, presales, and much more delivered to you for FREE.