Better hurry up and paste this status to your wall, otherwise Zuckerberg and Obama are going to come and put you in a FEMA camp, where aliens will experiment on you.

You've probably seen the status about Facebook stealing your private information being shared a lot lately -- I have. If it sounds familiar, that's because we already went over this in January 2015. I even did an entire episode of Banana 101.5 Action News on it, which I can't really be mad about you missing, because was easily the worst one. It's linked below this paragraph, and you can watch it if you want, but I wouldn't recommend it.

Anyway, the latest Facebook "emergency" looks like this:

Never mind that the Rome Statute mostly deals with genocide, war crimes, and the like -- I won't bore you with a bunch of facts. Facts, truth, and science are so last election cycle. Instead of explaining why this isn't really a thing, I've decided to raise some other issues that will likely be of great concern to you. Stay woke, people.


No Sagging in Flint

As of April, you can no longer sag your pants in Flint. Tell your friends and click here for more details.

Facebook / Joe Raedle, Getty Images

If You Need Money, Find This Post and Share It!

 


And This One


Don't Wear a Costume on Halloween This Year


But Do Hide Your Pit Bulls!

Learn how to be extra safe this year by clicking here.

 


 If You Do This Right, Share It and All Your Friends Will Be Impressed


This Too

Because it's really hard to think of Florida's two most popular cities.


 And Use This Coupon For Groceries

See all participating locations by clicking here.


And Don't Forget to Get Free Fast Food For Life!


 

Now that you've done all the Facebooks, give yourself a hand. You're rich, you'll never be hungry again, and you're admired and respected by all your friends. This is the good life. Take a bow, you beautiful SOB. You've earned it.