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Facebook Status Updates That Piss Me Off

Love it or hate it, facebook has changed the way we do things.  Everybody is on it, and everybody wants to be your friend.  I’m all about facebook and I want you to add me and the Banana, but I don’t want you to post like an idiot.  So when you’re about to click Share, make sure it isn’t one of these posts.

Honestly, you’re better than this.  If you are one of these posters on facebook, people hide you.

“I’m not doing anything” Poster- Awesome.  Rick Johnson is “Just Chillaxin at the crib”.  Unless you’re doing something awesome, I don’t want to read about it.  I hate when people post about doing something boring, but you’re not doing anything.  Why should anyone care?

“I’m so sick” Poster–  Aren’t sick people supposed to taking in liquids and sleeping?  I don’t think any respectable doctor has prescribed stalking your exes and playing Mafia Wars.  If your head hurt that bad, you wouldn’t be thinking about facebook.  And when I’m the Captain of the SS Diarrhea, I’m not trying to let people know about that.

“I’m so busy” Poster- Come on.  Facebook isn’t accomplishing anything.   Do some work.  I hate when people put “Up to my eyes in it at the office, gotta get busy.  FML!” and then they comment people back on their status.  They post “House is a mess, both kids are crying, and I have to go to work” but their wall is filled with Farmville accomplishments.

“I’m eating ______” Poster- Why do you think anybody is interested in what you’re eating?  If I’m not going to eat it, it’s just words, not food.  Turkey Pot Pie, Cheesecake, Carrots, Salami.  That is not a status update.

I wish I could eat a hot dog via facebook
Not a status update. Photo by David Paul Morris/Getty Images

“Phone Number” Poster- Please, don’t ever put your number in your status update.  It doesn’t matter if you are trying to go out for the night, are bored, or are looking for a new stalker, nothing is more desperate that putting your number out there.  The people who want to call you should already have it. If you’re a chick and you do this, you are probably going to get murdered in a van.

If you are one of these posters, I don’t mean to offend you.  I hope you see the problem and are dedicated to changing for the better.  You have a reputation to uphold, take some pride in your facebooking.

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