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‘Fast Five’ Is A Huge Success…Mouth-Breathing Is Back! [VIDEO]

Universal Pictures

This weekend saw the release of the fifth movie in the ‘Fast and Furious’  franchise. Despite the fact that the movies’ best actor is a former wrestler and the screenwriter is a 5-year old…it made a s#!t ton of money.

It looks like Fast Five starring Vin Diesel and Paul (Keanu Reeves Jr.) Walker is gonna take in about $83 mil once all is said and done for it’s first weekend of release. The movie raked in a ton of money internationally as well with an $81.6 million dollar take.

 I will say that the first movie was pretty good, even though it is a direct rip-off of Point Break. Undercover cop (who’s not a very good actor) develops a man crush on the dude who he later discovers is the criminal he is searching for, falls in love with some girl connected to the criminal,  blah, blah, blah…you get the idea.

 The sequel was laughably awful. Not only could they not get back the then up and coming Vin Diesel…but they managed to find an even more one dimensional actor to replace him with…Tyrese Gibson. The best part about that movie was the drinking game it created; one drink every time someone says “bro”, “dog”, or “cuz”, you’re drunk in ten minutes.

I’m not gonna go through the rest of the movies but they mostly sucked too (part 4 less than parts 2 or 3). I haven’t seen the new film either, it may be this generation’s Citizen Kane or Gone with the Wind…but I doubt it. With Paul Walker, Tyrese Gibson, Ludacris, The Rock, and Vin Diesel as your lead actors…there is no way this thing is well acted. There is talk the films’ director Justin Lin will take over the Terminator  franchise (they were waiting to see how successful Fast Five was before they gave him the go ahead) with Arnold Schwarzenegger attached to the lead. I think that is a terrible idea for two reasons;

1. Fast Five should in no way qualify you to be in charge of the Terminator series. There’s a little more story involved than scantily clad hot girls, fast cars, explosion, repeat.

2.  I love him to death but Arnold is too damn old to be the Terminator. They should roll with a CGI Arnie like they did in T4 and have him play the scientist who designed that robot…that might work.

I will quit dumping on the movie simply because it’s not my style to do so without seeing it first. It just pisses me off that this movie is at least gonna have one more sequel yet they won’t green-light a sequel to Anchorman or Friday the 13th(the reboot made a hefty profit and a sequel should be a no-brainer, literally). Instead listening to me bitch about movies, you should check out this in-depth interview with the screenwriter of Fast Five.

Today Now! Interviews The 5-Year-Old Screenwriter Of “Fast Five”

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