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Flint City Council Believes Scientology Can Save the City

Kevork Djansezian, Getty Images

As a last ditch effort to pull Flint out of its hellhound ways, the city council is considering endorsing the philosophies of Scientology.

Although these controversial principles, which were developed by science fiction author L. Ron Hubbard, have been associated with cults and religious radicalism for several decades, councilmembers believe the ideas practiced by Scientologists could make Flint a less violent place.

“The moral fiber of our community is so decayed it will take years” Councilwoman Monica Galloway told Mlive. “We need to sow (values) into these children (because these) are things they are not getting.”

Last week, council members were asked by Scientologist Monika Biddle to adopt the program “The Way to Happiness” as a way to promote changing social conditions in Flint. The program promotes moral codes that include “Don’t Be Promiscuous” and “Do Not Murder,” which could be a hard sell, especially in an area that has been considered the murder capital of America.

However, that is exactly why city officials believe implementing the practices of a bizarre Hollywood cult could not hurt. “I think it’s a good deal, yes,” said Police Chief James Tolbert. “From the information I’ve seen, apparently it works. I’m for anything that works.”

FORGET SCIENTOLOGY AND SAVING THE CITY, ERIC MAYS IS DESTINED TO SAVE THE WORLD

Well, we don’t know if we can get on board with the idea of no promiscuity, but we would certainly be happy to see less violent crime. However, it is ridiculous for the city council to think that a program based on a supposed intergalactic overlord  is going to keep the poverty stricken population from killing each other. All of you have officially lost your mind!

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