Contact Us

Hey, How About We All Stop Using the Term MILF? [OPINION]

MILF tattoo
ratemyink.com

Thankfully, some expressions and turns of phrase fade from the human vernacular over time. Sure, you’ll hear an occasional “For Sure” or “That’s Hot” creep into conversation, but in that off occurrence you’re 100% allowed to call out the person for using such a dated term. Actually, maybe you should just stop hanging out with strippers.

Far too many expressions stick around way, way past their shelf life. It’s usually because while the term itself is dated, there is just no better word, acronym or even hand signal to replace the common term that’s familiar to 97% of the population.

That brings us to MILF — crudely spelled out to “mother I’d like to…” At first, it was acronym that made sense by design (you can’t go around being so blunt about the mothers you’d indeed want to hump) and by usage because you can’t go around calling women with children, and usually husbands, “screwable.” There’s a certain decorum to these things. So, MILF became a secret code word used by men to describe women they’d want to have sex with who happened to have born children, could possibly be married, and fall between an age range of  25-50. That age range comes straight from Wikipedia, because yes, there is a Wikipedia page for the word MILF.

Then, the proverbial wheels fell off the wagon. First, women started embracing the term MILF and flaunting the title like a pair of  half-priced Louboutin shoes. Women started referring to themselves as screwable mothers, and once a group embraces a term, it’s power has been lost. Same goes with women that like to call each other the b-word, whore or that word that rhymes with punt. Also, women who were in no way MILFs started calling themselves such, and that’s just not fair. You can’t call yourself boinkable. Only society can deem you boinkable and there is an incredibly intricate system in place and you can’t just buck that system so knock it the hell off.

The second problem isn’t with the word that starts with F, but the one that starts with M — mother. Somewhere down the line the mother age group expanded from the  25-50 sweet spot because of TV shows like ‘Teen Mom,’ Bristol Palin and women having kids into their sixth decade of life. Then, step-moms joined the party, and the MILF franchise started getting watered down with subsects like cougars and silver foxes (it’s best if you don’t know what those are) and then gender and role variations like DILF (figure it out) and GILF (again, don’t ask) just ruined it altogether. With the acceptance and sullying of a once unacceptable term (seriously it was supposed to be naughty and now it’s on T-shirts at Victoria’s Secret) it is now time to stop using the MILF moniker all together.

As stated earlier, in the hopes of eliminating one phrase, another must be presented in its place and agreed upon by the masses as a suitable replacement.

First, let’s eliminate the “like to f” because because there are very few women that men wouldn’t sleep with so it’s kind of an oxymoron. It’s like saying “burgers I’d like to eat” the answer is always “whatever is made available.” A variation on the verb “to fornicate” is necessary but it can’t sound so textbook because men don’t talk that way.

First mothers– mothers aren’t mothers anymore so how about progenitor? It’s a real term, meaning forebear, or “to squirt out kids.” Progenitor. Done.

To bone, to pork, to slam..all seem so violent and juvenile. How about getting super technical like “unite loins” with? Unite loins…lustfully. “Unite loins” sounds old and dignified, like something a southern gentleman would say to a proper woman. “Ma’am, what say we retire to my quarters and unite loins.”  Unite loins is good but we’d better make sure it seems passionate. We’ve always liked the word ballistically, especially because it’s got “balls” in it. Ballistically unite loins. Done.

Since we’re changing everything, let’s go ahead and freshen up “I’d like” and go with something like “I’d try to” because, as we said, we’d like to screw everyone so it doesn’t really narrow down the pack. “I’d try to” means it’s something a male would act upon.

Well, that’s it. Let’s put it all together.

Progenitor I‘d Try To Ballistically Unite Loins or PITTBUL for short.

The ladies are going to love it.

MILFs Not For You? Check Out These Babes

More from Banana

Best of the Web

Leave a Comment

It appears that you already have an account created within our VIP network of sites on . To keep your points and personal information safe, we need to verify that it's really you. To activate your account, please confirm your password. When you have confirmed your password, you will be able to log in through Facebook on both sites.

Forgot your password?

*Please note that your points, prizes and activities will not be shared between programs within our VIP network.

It appears that you already have an account on this site associated with . To connect your existing account with your Facebook account, just click on the account activation button below. You will maintain your existing profile and VIP program points. After you do this, you will be able to always log in to http://banana1015.com using your Facebook account.

*Please note that your points, prizes and activities will not be shared between programs within our VIP network.

Please fill out the information below to help us provide you a better experience.

Register on Flint's Rock Radio quickly by logging in with your Facebook account. It's just as secure, and no password to remember!

Not a Member? Sign Up Here.

Please solve this simple math problem to prove that you are a real person.

Register on Flint's Rock Radio quickly by logging in with your Facebook account. It's just as secure, and no password to remember!