Hi, I’m Jamie, Socially Inept Local Rockstar
Hiya! Many of you already know me as the frenetic, freaky, and, unfortunately, often shirtless frontman for the band Givensix. Yep, that’s me! But honestly, there’s a lot to me and who I am, and kids, not all of it’s awesome. I’m like an onion! A pierced, tattooed, awkward onion... We’ll get to that in a minute here.
My friends at the Banana have decided to let me have a mouthpiece and spout forth interesting things to you from time to time, so I thought I’d take a moment to really introduce myself to you. Let’s hope no one regrets it!
Aside from being a musician, my time is generally spent in pursuits of sheer nerdiness. I love the internet, puns, literature, and arbitrarily researching things that nobody would ever need to know about. Ever. I’m a huge nerdy, geeky, awkward ball of flesh. It’s only getting worse as I age. I think, at least I really hope, that some of you can probably relate to the events I’m about to describe to you.
I stopped at the gas station today on my way to work. The same one I stop at every day. This day, however, I had my dreads pulled back in a ponytail rocking my Top Gun mirrored sunglasses. The woman I buy my cigarettes from every single day is, again, behind the counter like clockwork. As she’s ringing me up she says, “Do you have a brother that lives locally?” Puzzled, I replied, “Nope.”
“I have another regular customer that looks so much like you, same mannerisms and everything. But he has darker hair,” she says. Friends, what follows is deeply shameful for me to admit. I ripped off my sunglasses with a theatrical flourish that few accomplished actors could ever hope to emulate, and asked her, “Do you mean me?!”
Oh. God. She slapped her knee, laughing, and called me a sneaky devil, to which I replied with a hearty guffaw. At this point, I promptly made my exit with imaginary trumpets wah-wah-wahhhhhhing me through the door. Where the hell did that come from? Since when did I have the humor of knee-slapping toothless grandfather? Is it going to get worse? I’m way too young and cool to be an extra on Golden Girls?
I’m Jamie Taylor, and it’s been 12 hours since my last really bad joke.....