Kick Ass on Campus With the Ultimate College Survival Guide

This seems stupid, but this was the most useful item I owned during my college years. When my bottle of Febreeze Wrinkle Release ran out, I refilled it with water and learned that worked just as good for getting wrinkles out of clothes. You simply spray your shirt or whatever, and smooth out the wrinkles with your hands. Who has room for an ironing board anyways? I have plenty of room now that I own a home, and I still use a spray bottle.

No matter how vigorous your screening process is, you're probably going to hook up with some down-low nasties during the school year. Maybe you're out looking for nasties, that's your business. Just make sure your business is wrapped so you don't make a baby or get your junk all crudded up with an STD.

This may not be an option for those of you in the dorms, but if you're living with roommates in an apartment or house, get a lock for your bedroom door. There will probably be hundreds of different people in and out of your place during the year, keep your valuable stuff under lock and key. Trust me on this one.

This one really doesn't require much explanation. Going to class is going to stress you out. What better way is there to blow off some steam on the weekend than chugging beer as fast as possible? Plus, beer bonging is a valuable party / tailgating skill. You don't want to look like a pussy when the bong is passed to you at a party where trying to hook up. Nobody wants to bang a puker or a buzz-kill.

Maybe you want to smoke something in your dorm or non-smoking apartment. This is a cheap way to keep your digs from smelling like Snoop Dogg's tour bus. For those of you unfamiliar with this, it's a paper towel tube stuffed with dryer sheets, I'll let you figure out how to use it.

There will probably be times when you are too drunk to even walk to where you need to be. Or maybe you get stuck on the other side of campus partying with some townies from your part-time job. Either way, most campuses have a cheap taxi service that runs 24/7 (ours cost 3 bucks to get anywhere on campus). You may have to wait an hour or two on Saturday nights, but it beats the Hell out of the alternative.

For a number of situations, you will need an excuse to get you out of there. Say you hook up and the other party ends up sleeping over, but you want them out of there. Here are some excuses to get you out of these jams; My parents are visiting me tomorrow morning, I have to study for a test, our landlord is coming over to do an inspection, etc.

Let's face it, there's not a lot of cooking going down on college campuses. So you'll need intimate knowledge of your culinary surroundings; which places are cheap, which are open 24/7, which deliver, etc. It's also a good idea to befriend anyone who likes to cook or has a plethora of food at all times. Regardless of whether you like them or not, having a "meal ticket" will get you through some tough times.

Even if you can only learn a couple of songs, a guitar will help you get laid. You can't solely rely on that when trying to entice the opposite sex, but if you're having trouble closing, belting out a crappy Mumford and Sons track may put you over the top.

As much fun as college is, there are definitely down times. If you stay on campus over the summer or any type of holiday break, you're gonna need some sort of entertainment to keep you from going stir crazy. Video games definitely fit that bill.

Landlords are tough to deal with sometimes, but college landlords are a whole different type of evil. If I had a hundred dollars for every time I had to overpay to fix something that was trashed when I moved into a new place on campus, I would almost have enough to pay for all those pre-existing damages. I'm just sayin,' watch your back. College landlords will over-charge you to fix something that was already broke when you moved in, not fix it and then do the same thing with the next tenant. Take some pictures or video before you move anything in.

I know you're probably saying, "what the eff?" on this one, but think of coffee filters as the swiss army knife of college living. Even if you don't drink coffee, you can use them as a plate for pizza -- which you'll be eating a lot of -- or as napkins / paper towel. Plus they're incognito, so your roommates won't use them all like they would paper towel / paper plates.

Girls love this movie more than life itself, so they already have it. But if you're a guy who happens to have this DVD laying out in the open when females come over, so be it. They might think you have a sensitive side or whatever. Maybe watch enough of it to talk about a "favorite scene" and it's a guaranteed panty-dropper.