Life Lessons and Random Things Tree Learned During ‘Snowlocaust 2014′
The recent “Polar Vortex” has taught me some valuable life lessons and I feel like it’s my duty as a human being to share those experiences with you. You know, so we can “grow as people together” or some hippie BS like that.
Pay The First People That Offer to Shovel Your Driveway
The day after we all rode the “Polar-Coaster,” some dudes came to my door with shovels, presumably to shovel my driveway for money. I didn’t feel like dealing with anyone, so I just ignored them. Unfortunately, that was our last chance. Boy, did I regret that 24 hours later when I was using our tiny shovel to do the job and realized that…
I’m Out of Shape
After shoveling the snow off about a quarter of our driveway, I think I had a stroke. Seriously, it was negative degrees outside and I was just laying there.
You never really can have too much on hand.
Pizza Places Don’t Deliver in Severe Weather
Literally zero pizza joints were delivering Monday and Tuesday. Here’s a free tip for every pizza place: If you don’t deliver — don’t bother opening. That’s like when the gas station is out of gas, but still open. I don’t go there for over-priced candy and awkward small talk. I go there for gas. When I order pizza, It’s because I want it delivered. If I wanted to go get my own pizza, I’d be headed for something a little tastier than a Hot-and-Ready.
I Need a Truck
After breaking the bumper off of my car (again) from hitting snow in my driveway — and this was before the “Snowpocalypse” was in full swing — I realized that I need a truck. Men drive trucks, not Dodge Stratuses.
The Jerry Springer Show is Still On
Yeah. Like, new episodes… on TV. Who knew?
Grocery Shopping is Key
We’ve always been more of the “buy groceries the day of” type of family. However, that system doesn’t work in the midst of “CherSnowbyl.” When it comes down to which flavor of Ramen you’re having for dinner, you realize the importance of having options.
‘Arrow’ is Awesome
Starting late the week prior to the “Snowmageddon,” I watched a few episodes of ‘Arrow’ on Netflix. Since I was basically stuck at home since Friday through Wednesday, I ended up watching the entire first season (23 episodes, each about 43 minutes long) and all of the 9 episodes of the current season (total viewing time – about 23 hours). Yeah, it’s boring being locked in your house. That show is pretty f—ing rad though. If you’re a fan of the DC Universe, you should check it out. There are some characters on the show you’ve probably wanted to see on screen for a while… Deathstroke anyone?
Snow Cream Sucks
You’ve all probably seen the recipe on how to make “delicious ice cream” out of snow, sugar, vanilla and milk. Don’t do it! It’s gross. At first I tasted it and thought, “ehh, it’s okay.” But that after-taste kicked in and made me regret that I even indulged a goofy idea like dirty snow cream. Just wait until you can go buy real ice cream and thank me later. Besides, who wants ice cream when it’s -34 degrees out?
School is Awesome
I love my kids. LOVE them. But I was glad they took their asses back to school. Sometimes, you just need a few hours of peace. Especially if you’re working from home like I had to Monday and Tuesday.
I’m Buying a Snowblower
I don’t care that I’ll probably be using it twice a year. If I never have to shovel snow again — it’s worth it.