Killer shrimp have invaded Michigan, which could mean certain death for anyone not at least an inch tall and does not reside on dry land. Yet, while there are not many people running around the state small enough to succumb to the terroristic wrath of these crustaceans, the Michigan Department of Natural Resources has decided to outlaw them anyway.

The real concern is the threat these invasive creatures pose to the state’s aquatic food chain, not people, just in case you were confused. "(Killer shrimp) have a really big mouth and claws, and they literally shred their prey," said Nick Popoff, with the DNR. "They are very aggressive in any of the systems that they get into." Well then, perhaps we should put a few in the Michigan welfare system.

Now, we are not certain if the DNR has employed a special translator that will relay the message to the killer shrimp community about the ban. All we know if these creatures are no longer allowed access into the state.

Michigan officials have not said what they will do if they find killer shrimp, but the potential for a tortuous shakedown does exists. However, they will be forced to use unusual tactics to get these little bastards to talk... they do not respond to water boarding.

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