Michigan Governor Claims There are Plenty of Jobs, Just No One Smart Enough to Do Them

Michigan Governor Rick Snyder finds it hard to believe that there are so many jobs available across the state and no one qualified (or smart enough) to fill the positions. Therefore, in an effort to get potential employees up to speed on the current workforce climate, he has decided to put together a new state department aimed at developing more talent for employers.

It has been deemed the Department of Talent and Economic Development, which is really just a fancy title for an agency established to put a legion of sheep into menial jobs that will undoubtedly drive them to commit suicide. "I'm excited by this," said Snyder in a recent press conference. "We have tens of thousands of open jobs that are not being filled.”

Not to be cynical, but while the agency claims there are around “82,000 vacant jobs… many of them well-paying,” we do not have much faith in any position listed on Michigan Talent Connect. Then again, even a job best described as a turd is better than being hungry and homeless, so perhaps the governor’s latest development is not all bad.

After all, some of these positions will likely come with health insurance, which means a prescription plan. And there is no better way to combat being forced to work a crap job than having access to high powered uppers, downers, and overall feelgooders to mask the pain of a life neck deep in the crapper.