We never want to go to prison, but if we do make sure it is at the Ionia Correctional Facility here in Michigan -- the female prison staff likes to screw the inmates. At least that appears to be the case as recent reports have surfaced suggesting that four female kitchen employees have been fired for fondling, licking, and doing other unspeakable acts with jailed tube steak.

The four fornicating food workers, employed with Aramark Correctional Services, were caught on camera earlier this week engaging in various sexual encounters with male inmates inside a walk-in-cooler.

Wait, was it an orgy? “I don’t believe all four of them were in the cooler at the same time,” Russ Marlan, a spokesperson for the prison, told the Detroit Free Press

However, prison officials say the situation is one cold boner. “It’s unprecedented that four workers at the same facility, in the same day, are placed on stop order,” said Marlan. “It’s concerning on a number of levels.”

Previous reports indicate that this type of be-coming behavior is commonplace with Aramark staff. In less than a year, more than 80 Aramark employees have been banned from working in the facility due to various infractions, including having lustful sex affairs with murderers, rapists and thieves.

Yet, there are no immediate plans for Michigan prisons to stop using Aramark’s services, and we can’t say that we blame them. Finding cooks prepared to go the extra mile to give inmates something good to fork is hard to find these days.