Monroe Received A List Of Rules For A Bachelor Party

So my little brother is getting married on Saturday and we went out to celebrate last night. As I'm too old to get hammered on a Thursday and was also one of the oldest guys on the bus by far, I was recruited by the girls to "keep an eye" on the other guys. Here is the list of things they gave me to watch for.

Monroe Pic

I'll break these down one by one.

1.) 2 card swipes of less than $50 per man.

This rule was written specifically for the bachelor's dad and the bachelor's sisters boyfriend (Sam.) This rule also came with the disclaimer that they can spend as much cash as they had on them. Rule number one was not broken as both of the two in question passed out on the bus on the way to Detroit.

2.) No penetration

This one is self-explanatory. Another rule that was not broken. Given the state of all of the guys in the party, they were barely awake, let alone be able to "perform."

3.) No puking on the bus.

Here is were we start to fall apart. Upon arrival to the pre-party, it was required that all party goers take 4 different shots, included high end tequila and some scotch. Starting the night like that caused two different guys to do a bit of "refunding" on the way to Detroit. I will not begin to explain the horror that was the ride home.

4.) J.J. is out by 1:00am...$$$

The girls placed bets on this one. J.J. (the bachelor) was actually a trooper and handled the party better than the rest. He didn't pass out and was one of the last ones standing at the end of the party. He didn't even start slurring until the bus returned home.

5.) Find Cyndi a man.

Cyndi (another one of my "sisters") is on the prowl but there was no way this goal was going to be accomplished. I will not introduce my sister to any guys I meet at the strip club.

6.) Sam passes out on ride home...$$$

Another wager made by the girls. Unfortunately, they were way off! Sam (bachelor's sisters boyfriend) only lasted about 30 minutes into the trip. He wasn't sloppy drunk though, the pre-game shots just hit him hard all at once. Welcome back to Flint Sam!

7.) Talk to driver about weed usage?

That happened before we even boarded the bus. This group of people is anything but shy.

8.) DON'T bring your asses home before 2!!!

The girls couldn't have been more serious about this rule. Upon further investigation of this rule, the words "we have plans" were uttered more than once. Knowing this group of girls, I can only imagine what those plans were, but that's none of my business. However, this rule was almost compromised. Upon arriving to the gentleman's club in Detroit, we had already lost three soldiers to the alcoholic beverages. The best man (who made the reservations) went ahead to get the ball rolling. As JJ and I supplied our fallen friends with the water and chips required to wait it out on the bus, we started to hear some of the guys heading back. After some investigation, we found out that the best man damn near passed out on the curb in front of the door. That caused the club to deny the party entry.

The decision was then made to head home. Could it really be ending like this? How are we going to let my little brothers bachelor party end this way? Well, it didn't. I made a call and informed my little brother that we were going to see my friends and Little Darlings. We told the other guys they had an hour to sack up and grab some sobriety or they weren't coming in with us. Most of them were able to and the party got a second wind. It took a bit of work but, rule number 8 was accomplished.