Mother's Day is this Sunday and I have a feeling that most of you forgot.  But don't worry, I've got your back.  Here are some simple but effect gift ideas for your mom on Mother's Day.  I have been a disappointment to my Mom for 30 years yet always has a great Mother's Day, so trust me, these work.

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    Flowers, Moms Dig Flowers

    Cheap way out but works EVERY TIME!

    Your mom will always love flowers from her "baby."  Just be sure that your bouquet is bigger than your brothers and sisters so you can claim your spot as the favorite child.  (and trust me, "The Favorite Child" is not a myth, it is absolutely true.  Your mom has a favorite but a mother's genetics keeps her from being honest about that.)

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    Get A Tattoo With Her

    A bit cheesy but it will keep you in the will.

    It doesn't have to match or be the cliche "MOM" tattoo but do something.  Regardless of what you may think, she wants to be a cougar or milf.  In her mind, a tattoo is a step in the right direction.

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    Feed Her

    Live a little, take her to her favorite restaurant.  If she doesn't have a favorite, then drive up to Tony's in Birch Run and buy her a bunch of bacon.

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    Take Her To The Machine Shop

    You know you want to...

    There is no greater joy in life than watching your sweet, innocent mother attend her first rock show.  Get her some girly pink ear plugs and a tall PBR and you are now the greatest child to have ever lived!  Devour the Day is this Saturday, she will love it!

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    Give Her Freedom

    And by that, I mean move your lazy ass out of her basement.

    Pack up the XBox, Spiderman action figure collection, your porn stash, and get the F*** out.  She needs her space in the basement to do mom things, like iron, play pinochle, and grow weed.