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Monroe’s Top Five Needed Items For Any Tubing Trip

River Fun
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Summer is upon us my friends and if you are heading up north to go tubing, check out my list of the top five things you will need. This weekend I’m off to Luzerne for a weekend trip. So brothers and sisters of “The 8th Annual Bro’s and Ho’s Tubing Trip,” I will see you soon!


tubes
tubes
1

A Tube

Obvious but hear me out
 
 

The right tube is crucial for a good trip down the river. A good tube must meet the following four criteria:

  • Said tube must be easy to get into when you are schwasted on the river. If you need to get off the tube for some reason, (i.e. – runaway beer, chasing wildlife, etc…) the ability to climb back on is key as to not waste energy needed for the tent later.
  • Said tube must be stable. Once the alcohol kicks in, you want to be comfortable enough to relax as well as reach for a fresh beer without the fear of tipping over.
  • Said tube must have anchor points to attach your floating cooler. If your cooler floats away, let’s face it, you might just want to drown yourself.
  • Said tube must be able to support a lot of weight.  Depending on the level of alcohol and how big your crank looks in your swim suit, you may find yourself with a drunk half-neked hottie with questionable morals on your tube with you. (if you’re lucky, there will be two of them. Achieving this grants you instant “River Pimp” status…enjoy the spoils.)
 
bug spray
bug spray
2

Bug Spray

Another no brainer
 
 

Let’s face it, you’re never going to get the ladies in the tent if you keep scratching the mosquito bite on your balls.

 
Booze
Booze
3

Booze

Because
 
 

Well, we are all alcoholics.

 
Frisbeer
Frisbeer
4

Drinking Games

A must on any adult camping trip
 
 

Whether it’s beer pong, life-size jenga, frisbeer, or anything really, you’ve got to embrace your inner warrior while out in the wilderness. Bragging rights, hurt feelings, and becoming champions are all a part of the bonding experience.

 
Ear Plugs
Ear Plugs
5

Ear Plugs

Ear plugs only apply to the weak at heart or third wheel
 
 

As it is a camping trip and you are in the wilderness, sound carries. A firm, open palm, slap on the ass can carry across a campground. Eventually, most of the campers give into everybody’s favorite game “Who can out do who?” or “Who can be louder?” Though not to brag, as I am a gentleman, I am a champion. Usually you can tell who the victors are at the campfire the next morning. If they’re drinking a beer with a smile on their face while cooking some bacon and saying “Merica”…it was a good night.

 

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