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Publisher Taking Away Santa’s Pipe – Mr. Claus is No Longer A Smoker

Santa's Last Smoke!

As if Christmas isn’t a pain in the ass already, now Santa Claus can’t even enjoy a smoke? The Publisher of ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas’, has omitted Santa’s pipe from the classic Christmas tale. So much for the most wonderful time of the year!

According to the National Post, spokesperson for Grafton and Scratch publishing, Pamela McColl, claims that parents have been tearing out the smoking related pages out of the books. Really? McColl goes on to say parents have had to console crying kids that believe Santa will die from smoking.  My parents must of really hated me, because they smoked cigarettes as they read me the story of the ‘smoking Santa’!

So if you are keeping up on the rules of Christmas, here is a revised list:

  1. Don’t say Merry Christmas EVER!
  2.  Say “Happy Holidays”. God forbid you offend anyone.
  3.  Woops, don’t say “God”.
  4.  Don’t offer Santa a pipe for Christ sake.
  5.  Woops, don’t say ”Christ”!

Damn, that is a lot to keep track of. I must say before everyone freaks, YES, I know smoking kills. But when is the censorship going to end? If Santa can’t smoke, why the hell are kids across the world leaving cookies out for his fat ass?

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