Forget about ongoing wars, school shootings, and politics, the biggest news story of the day is that Regis Philbin will retire after this season of "Live with Regis and Kelly". And in typical Banana 101.5 fashion, we have an exclusive list of possible replacements.
The man has a world record for most hours on TV, so Reg has pretty big shoes to fill. The announcement of his retirement has been long awaited by some people and I've obtained a list of potential candidates.
Howard Stern- I'm sick of not having a Howard Stern outlet. Satellite radio is for rich people and not worth the money, so I'm kinda stuck with no Howard. He should give up the satellite crap and get back into the public light. And maybe he'd get Kelly to dress sluttier, which I would be all for. Also, maybe he'd bring Artie, unless Artie is dead.
The Nature Boy Ric Flair- I feel like this would be a pretty easy transition for everybody involved. Some of the older members of the audience probably wouldn't be able to tell the difference unless it was pointed out and at that point, the probably wouldn't care. Kelly Ripa and the rest of the Live with Regis team are used to working with old men yelling and not making much sense. Flair would thrive just based on the fact that he's the Nature Boy. If any guests or audience members gave him any flack, Flair wouldn't hesitate to pull out a pair of brass knuckles from his trunks and take care of business.
Gary Busey- How entertaining would this be? Busey would bring a new perspective to the creative process, and he probably also bring a jar of Miracle Whip, ninja stars and a live snake. The show would save on writing because Busey could just go off on insane rants and Busey could use the money because he has 27 DUIS. Look at this picture of him, who do you think started the crap fight?
Cliff Huxtable/Bill Cosby- Cliff Huxtable is the best TV dad of all time. Not only that, he's hilarious, wise, and can bust a move. Bill Cosby has an unlimited supply of Jello product. I don't see a downside.
Kid Rock-Think about how awesome mornings would be if Kid Rock and Kelly had strippers and fireworks and Red Stag to go with your coffee. After these concerts Kid is probably going to be pretty bored. Plus, Uncle Kracker's checking account is overdrawn and Rock doesn't want to just write him another check.
I'm not trying to say you should wager money on who is going to replace Regis Philbin, but if I were a betting man, I'd have money on someone listed above.