Shaving Your Pubes Could Give You Venereal Disease

Well boys, it could be time to dust off all of those 35-year-old copies of Playboy Magazine that your daddy has stuffed in grocery sacks underneath his mattress. No, that’s not Buckwheat in a leg lock that you are looking at on page fifty-eight, that’s a 1970′s bush, and it just might be making a comeback.

That’s because an over zealous physician is protesting a supposed “war on pubic hair” declaring that all of those shaven muffs and well groomed pecker patches out there are running around with an increased chance for contracting an infection or sexually transmitted disease.

“Pubic hair removal naturally irritates and inflames the hair follicles, leaving microscopic open wounds.” says Dr. Emily Gibson director of the health centre at Western University in Washington State. “Frequent hair removal is necessary to stay smooth, causing regular irritation of the shaved or waxed area. When that is combined with the warm, moist environment of the genitals, it becomes a happy culture media for some of the nastiest bacterial pathogens.”

Doctor Gibson says that, believe it or not, we actually need pubic hair to protect us from getting those grind burns that come from taking the old one-eyed weasel for a really long walk. Note: If you do not get grind burns, you just might not be working hard enough.

She also says that she has witnessed many patients with boils and abscesses on their genitals from shaving, cellulitis, and infection of the scrotum, labia or penis from shaving or from having sex with someone infected. Unfortunately guys, that extra inch or two that you appear to get from shaving isn’t worth risking a growth anywhere near the pelvic region.

The good news is, we don’t think you guys have to worry about running into too many girls with unruly muff mullets sprouting out all over the place as there are currently no federal standards out there to regulate the length of any American’s pubic hair. We’re not exactly sure if that is printed somewhere in the Constitution, but we are willing to bet that no one ever told George Washington how to chop his twig and berry bush.

However, it does appear that this infection business is real and that sort of means that science has us by the short and curlies. So, the next time you guys are getting ready to give the old walrus a new haircut, you might want to consider a simple buzz cut rather than the coiffure that he sported in the fifth grade.