You masturbate with your own hand, and that doesn't make you gay right? I have to think going down on yourself is a little different, but apparently, this walrus disagrees with me. Watch him do what most married men wish they could.

 

I'm no zoologist, but I assume the walrus is cleaning his penis, rather than blowing himself.  But like I said, I'm no zoologist, maybe this walrus is the next step in walrus evolution, and since they can't use their flippers to pound out, they just mouth their own piece.  I've never had a chick with a mustache, so I can only assume those whiskers feel kinda funny.