Of course it was in Florida.

Josseleen Lopez, who looks 12 but is 25 according to reports, was arrested for a crime that resulted in the most awesome headline ever produced by a Florida resident. Anyone that has spent more than an hour on the internet know how loaded that statement is.

Lopez was at the Walmart in Lecanto, Florida when she allegedly engaged in several acts so bold that not even a member of the Walton family would attempt... and they own the damn company. Not only did she decide to have a free dinner consisting of sushi, cinnamon rolls, mini muffins, and most of a rotisserie chicken during her visit, but she consumed all of it while drinking wine and driving a motorized cart around the store.

By the time the authorities caught up with Ms. Lopez, she had consumed all of the aforementioned food items, as well as two bottles of wine. Did we mention she also had needles in her possession when arrested? In other words -- she's a real catch, fellas. If you're looking to wife her up real quick, she's currently in police custody on $1,000 bond.

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