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Your New Year’s Resolution = FAIL

It’s almost 2011 and you’re probably thinking to yourself, “I suck at life”.  And you might want to do something about that.  And while I’m all for improving quality of life, put your ambitions on hold.  You could probably use some more exercise,  get a better job, spend more time with your family, and a whole bunch of other stuff too.  I’m just telling you, don’t try to achieve those goals in January, cuz you’re gonna fail.I’ll never understand why people buy into new year’s resolutions.  Let’s look at some of the most common of them.  Do you know how hard this stuff is?

  • Quit smoking-You think just because it’s January 1st, nicotine will loosen it’s grip?  Everyone is partying the night before, all drunk and making out, smoking cigarettes like a Quentin Tarantino movie.  The addiction is fresh the next day.  Your body is dieing for a cig on New Year’s day.  You might not smoke on the 1st, but by the 2nd you’ll be sneaking them when you take out the trash, then behind the garage on the 4th, then back in the kitchen on the 6th.
  • Get Healthy-You’re gonna get scammed.  It’s just, what scam is going to get you?  If you flip through the channels on your TV, you’ll see at least 3 Get Healthy scam products before you are half way done.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a scam diet or a scam exercise product, you’ll be out of money and just as fat as ever.
  • Appreciate life more-What does this even mean?  Just because it’s a new calender year, that doesn’t mean your family, friends, possessions or anything else gets any better.  If you think your life sucks on Friday, it’s still gonna suck on Saturday.
  • Improve your finances-Life is only getting more and more expensive.  Unless you have 3 jobs and live with your mom, you are going to be broke.  My financial advice would be to become a hobo.  They never worry about money and still have enough stuff to fill up a handkerchief on a stick.  If you like beans, hate shaving and aren’t worried about hepatitis, hoboing might be for you.
  • Find love -This one is the most laughable to me.  We’ve already established you are a broke, chain smoking, health nightmare, that has no appreciation for themselves or anyone else.  If you find somebody that puts up with you, stick with them.  At least you won’t die alone.

When you start striving for these goals on  New Year’s Day, you are destined to fail.  New Year’s resolutions set up unrealistic goals, and discourages the gradual process that leads to real change.

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