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Ypsilanti Police Hunting ‘Mystery Pooper’ That’s Dropping Deuces on Playground

Tyrone Biggums Poops
Comedy Central

Children all over Ypsilanti are scared to go down slides after one man — not-so-cleverly nicknamed the “Mystery Pooper” by police — has filled a playground with terror (and his poop) for several months now.

First off, you may be asking how we know it’s a man. Well, we don’t, but can you imagine a woman being the culprit? Neither can we.

According to MLive, Ypsilanti police have been trying to apprehend the “Brown Bandit” before the weather gets warmer because that’s busy season for the Prospect Park Playground. Over the past six months, there have been so many doogans dropped on the slides there that a hidden camera was installed to try an identify the “Creeping Crapper.”

Ypsilanti Police Chief Tony DeGiusti first made officers aware of the “Serial S—ter” in January with an email that read:

We have a problem in Prospect Park with a miscreant that does not understand the difference between a children’s playground slide and a toilet. Apparently this extremely misguided individual feels the need to defecate on the slide despite the cold weather. This has been an ongoing problem at this location. Please make frequent checks in the area and record them on your daily log.

Unfortunately for them, they weren’t the only ones recording a “daily log.” Police are considering a sting operation (more like a “stink operation”) to put a stop to this “Dumping Degenerate.” Hopefully, their plan doesn’t involve dressing up like a slide. We’re also hoping it doesn’t turn out to be Tyrone Biggums.

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