Michigan Man Claims Largest Porn Collection Was Stolen

It is being called the Great Michigan Porno Heist - police are saying that earlier this week, a Muskegon man frantically called 9-1-1 to report that a band of thieves had broken into his home and stole “one of the largest porn collections” ever assembled in the state of Michigan.

According to a police report, the victim arrived home Tuesday evening to find that some scurvy little imbeciles had kicked in his front door, stole three-flat-screen TVs and made out with an extensive porno collection, which the victim reports is valued at nearly $6,500. Hmm, we wonder if homeowner’s insurance covers theft of whacking material - perhaps its time to give our agent a call.

While authorities say they do not have any smutspects, they are reportedly following a trail of used Kleenexes in hopes of finally catching up to the culprits. In the meantime, Michigan police are urging  residents to keep their porn in a safe and secure place until these porn-swindling degenerates are off the streets for good.