Monroe’s Top Five Needed Items For Any Tubing Trip

The right tube is crucial for a good trip down the river. A good tube must meet the following four criteria:

• Said tube must be easy to get into when you are schwasted on the river. If you need to get off the tube for some reason, (i.e. – runaway beer, chasing wildlife, etc…) the ability to climb back on is key as to not waste energy needed for the tent later.
• Said tube must be stable. Once the alcohol kicks in, you want to be comfortable enough to relax as well as reach for a fresh beer without the fear of tipping over.
• Said tube must have anchor points to attach your floating cooler. If your cooler floats away, let’s face it, you might just want to drown yourself.
• Said tube must be able to support a lot of weight.  Depending on the level of alcohol and how big your crank looks in your swim suit, you may find yourself with a drunk half-neked hottie with questionable morals on your tube with you. (if you’re lucky, there will be two of them. Achieving this grants you instant “River Pimp” status…enjoy the spoils.)

Let’s face it, you’re never going to get the ladies in the tent if you keep scratching the mosquito bite on your balls.

Well, we are all alcoholics.

Whether it’s beer pong, life-size jenga, frisbeer, or anything really, you’ve got to embrace your inner warrior while out in the wilderness. Bragging rights, hurt feelings, and becoming champions are all a part of the bonding experience.

As it is a camping trip and you are in the wilderness, sound carries. A firm, open palm, slap on the ass can carry across a campground. Eventually, most of the campers give into everybody’s favorite game “Who can out do who?” or “Who can be louder?” Though not to brag, as I am a gentleman, I am a champion. Usually you can tell who the victors are at the campfire the next morning. If they’re drinking a beer with a smile on their face while cooking some bacon and saying “Merica”…it was a good night.