So You Didn’t Have the $1.6 Billion-Winning Powerball Ticket, Now What?

You had all your first purchases picked out, but forgot to pick the winning numbers for the $1.6 billion Powerball drawing. So what are you supposed to do now? Give up on all those lofty dreams of vacation homes, quitting your job,  and owning your own BB-8? F*** no -- you're gonna get that money! Here's how.

The record-smashing Powerball jackpot of $1.6 billion will be claimed by three people, whose winning tickets sold in California, Tennessee, and Florida according to Reuters. If you're reading this article, chances are that you're not one of the those lucky, newly rich trio... if you are, please hire me for $1 million. For what, it doesn't matter. I have a lot of skills.  Email me.

The Powerball jackpot has reset to a measly $40 million, and we all know that you don't get out of bed for less than $300 mil. So how are we going to get that Scrooge McDuck money now? Well, here are a few ideas.