10 Flint Area Headlines That You’ll Definitely Read in 2019… Probably

I wanted to do this a week ago and that would've been more timely, but I was on vacation so you get it now. Deal with it.

Flint is a pretty wild place sometimes, but as crazy as it is -- it's becoming pretty predictable. So much so that I'm confident that I can predict this year's coming headlines.

Editor's Note: Before you get all bent out of shape over this -- these are all for fun. Most of these list items come from a place of love. It's good to not be so serious all the time and laugh once in a while. I think we'd all do well to remember that in 2019.

10. Flint Tops List of Worst U.S. Cities for [Name Anything]

At this point, it seems like the lazy ass writers of those lists are just copying and pasting.

9. State Closes All Recreational Marijuana Dispensaries a Year Before They Open

Given our state's history of refusal to accept any marijuana initiatives approved by the electorate, this would be par for the course.

8. Starlite Opens Third Burton Location Inside of Second Burton Location

I love Starlite more than anyone, but you gotta admit their new location is pretty close to the old one.

7. Governor Whitmer Realizes Michigan is Too Broke to "Fix Them Damn Roads"

I firmly believe that Gretchen Whitmer will be the next in a long line of Michigan Governors who couldn't figure out how to "fix those damn roads."

6. I Still Couldn't Find a Parking Spot at the Flint Farmers' Market

I've pretty much given up on ever getting lunch there on a Tuesday or Thursday.

5. City of Burton Fills 32-Foot Sinkhole w/ Their Infinite Supply of Asphalt 

Seriously, where do they keep getting all this asphalt?

4. Mayor Weaver Announces All Flint's Lead Pipes Are Replaced, Again.

People both inside and outside of Flint were confused when she made that announcement last year.

3. Ironsnake Announces [Insert Holiday Here] Show at The Machine Shop

You don't get to be the greatest band in the universe of all time, ever by taking holidays off.

2. Lear Flint to Hold Third Mass Hiring Event After All Applicants Fail Drug Test, Again.

Those hair tests are a real pain in the ass, you guys.

1. Eric Mays Caught Pawning Flint School Computers Donated by Elon Musk

When voters haven't held him accountable for one single, ridiculous thing he's done -- could you blame him if this headline comes true?