Death Metal Ice Cream Truck Serves Nothing But Disappointment
The Hell General truck will not serve frozen treats to your ugly children. Instead, it will bait unsuspecting kids with the promise of ice cream but deliver a blast of death metal straight to the face, teaching a valuable life lesson about trust and entitlement.
This cruel experiment has actually been around for over a decade, but is now making the rounds after TikTok user Erica Lueth spoke about the Hell General. “I’m from Minneapolis. Lately, everybody’s been complaining about some weird black metal ice cream truck they’ve seen driving around,” she says before reading from the Hell General website and showing some footage of the truck.
The site reads, “In all actuality, my intentions with the truck have nothing to do with selling ice cream. Rather than indulge brats with over price cream pops, I mean to deny those looking to buy a cold tasty treat by playing my happy chimes through the streets. And when the children materialize in the streets? I will coast right past them with the sinister look of rejection.”
Ouch. But the revamped Postal Service truck’s ice cream selection is glorious, sporting non-existent treats in the shape of Rammstein, Opeth, Strapping Young Lad, Fear Factory, Arch Enemy and more logos from the world of metal.
Hell General also told Loudwire that one of their main goals behind the truck is to give Devin Townsend a ride, so maybe Hevy Devy will hook up with the Minnesota pranksters next time he's there on tour.
Even though Hell General won’t sell ice cream to anybody, you can still request where the evil vehicle drives past next. Just fill out this form if you happen to live within the Minneapolis area, excluding St. Paul.
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