Michigan Named One of the ‘Thirstiest’ States in the US
A new study has found that Michigan is straight down to get their bone on more than almost every other state in America.
The data scientists over at Four Loko (yes, the same Four Loko that used to get people so wrecked they couldn't even remember their name), tallied a bunch of Google data on sexy search terms and dating apps and what not to identify which states were most like Quagmire from Family Guy, basically. That honor (if you can call it that) goes to Rhode Island, believe it or not. Who knew that such a small state could have such immense thirst? We're keeping an eye on you, Lil' Rhoadie.
Maine came (no pun intended) in at number 2, and was the only other state more thirsty than Michigan, as we ranked #3. There was no data correlation as to what times of year the states are "most thirsty," but I'm willing to bet we have a huge spike in thirst-related activity in the winter. You gotta do something to keep warm for those 3-7 months out of the year when it's snowing. You know what they say, "If there's snow on the ground -- it's time to plow!"
For the record, "they" don't actually say that. No one does. I just made it up and it's not even that clever.
In case you were wondering, Ohio landed at #6, making yet another thing that we're better at than them. I mean, the math checks out. It makes total sense that Ohioans are less thirsty. They have to bang people who are from Ohio. That's a total chub-killer, even for people from Ohio.
The study also broke results down by city, and Detroit was ranked as the sixth most thirsty city. I'm actually a little disappointed that a city widely-known as "The D" didn't do better, but you can't really argue with the findings of the data scientists at Four Loko. If I know anything, it's that those guys know what they're doing.
Flint, was absent from the thirstiest city list, as were all other Michigan cities. It looks like they stuck to major cities on that list, so Detroit is probably the only one they even considered. Texas, however, had THREE cities in the top ten and another three in the top 25. Whoever said "don't mess with Texas" is an idiot -- they're clearly down to mess around.
Here's a look at the 10 thirstiest states:
- Rhode Island
- New Hampshire
And the 10 thirstiest cities:
- Washington D.C.