The state of Michigan has a message for the unemployed: if you do not have a job in 2015, it is because you are a lazy P.O.S. with no ambition. While state officials did not actually release a statement calling jobless Michiganders worthless scum suckers of the system, a recent report indicates that the jobless rate in the Great Lake State was the lowest it has been in 12 years by the end of 2014 – a revelation that points a finger at the unemployed working man and asks, “What’s up, bro?”

The latest statistics show that Michigan cut its unemployment down to a rate of just over 6 percent last year with the creation of 138,000 new jobs. Because of this, there were 89,000 fewer people standing in the unemployment line and on the verge of camping outside the local soup kitchen, which is great for them but bad for all the volunteers who did not get to post their selfies with the “homeless guy” to Facebook.

Nevertheless, times are as good as they have been in Michigan since the recession of 2009 swooped in and put the average Michigan worker on a strict diet of Ramen noodles on Hamm’s Light. Yet, by 2014, everything was beginning to come together for the workforce, with around 18,000 professional and business-related jobs coming available, about 10,000 manufacturing positions, and another 8,000 in the fields of education and healthcare.

Of course, you do not want to be one of those people who works for the government or in retail – they are getting crap canned at an astronomical rate. In 2014, nearly 5,000 positions involved in state and local government were eliminated, along with 3,000 retail jobs. Financial positions, namely bank tellers, are also a dying breed.

Although we could bore you with more details, our best advice, at least for those of you who fit the bill of the above mentioned unemployed P.O.S, is to forget about the statistics and just do something with your life this year.