Michigan’s bald eagles are fireproof. A recent report from Environmental Health News indicates that a significant level of flame retardant chemicals can be found in Michigan’s bald eagle population. These feathered beasts, which represent freedom in the United States, have been on a nonflammable diet of polybrominated diphenyl ethers since these compounds have become prevalent in the environment.

So, how are these chemicals slipping into nature and creating a legion of potential war birds capable of surviving the apocalypse? Well, it seems that these substances were utilized over a decade ago in a great deal of our electronics and clothing before being banned. Many of those items have since become one with the Earth... and made mutants out of these birds.

Researchers say that while the bald eagle community is healthy, these chemicals have created a myriad of problems, including issues with reproduction. So in addition to being labeled “bald,” there is a good chance this bird could soon be branded “impotent,” as well.

We believe that is about as American as it gets.