Ladies, It’s Time to Fight for Toilet Seat Equality [OPINION]
For as long as everyone can remember, it's been the responsibility of the male to raise and lower the toilet seat. Now that our country is finally taking on some long-overdue social injustices, I think it's time that we stand up and ask what is, perhaps, the most important question that has yet to be asked -- "why?"
Ladies, we've all heard your complaints and you're absolutely right -- we are terrible at putting the toilet seat back down. At some point in history, this was deemed as our job... and we're failing miserably at it. We forget about half the time and then somebody -- usually you -- ends up on the receiving end of a self-inflicted reverse swirlie, which is unacceptable. We are failing you.
This is America and nobody should be forced to endure an unexpected, butt-first cannonball into the same pool we deposit our waste in daily -- the frequency of which obviously being determined by a number of factors like the amount of people in your home, dietary habits, etc. How easy it is to adopt a "look before you sit" policy is irrelevant. We men only remember to put the seat back down about 50% of the time, and anyone with that embarrassing of a success rate at their job should be fired.
The truth is that it's just not that important to us and we forget. However, it's a huge deal to you. Social issues move very fast these days. That is why it is so important that you ladies stand (or sit, actually) for this no longer. It's almost embarrassing that you're still dependent on us men to do such a menial task for you. You don't need no man to help you! You're a strong, beautiful, intelligent, and independent modern woman who is the master of her own domain... why not extend the boundaries of said domain to the bathroom? I mean, you pretty much have already with all the stuff you have in there. Seriously, go take an inventory of your bathroom right now. I guarantee most women will find that at least 70% of its contents are theirs. It's a woman's domain -- so take charge.
Women care a great deal about this task being done, while men prioritize it somewhere between remembering to call a distant cousin on their birthday and binge watching 'Gilmore Girls' on Netflix, neither of which, in case the sarcasm was unclear, are anywhere near the important end of the male priority list.
Who assigned this as our responsibility anyway? It seems like, at bare minimum, a joint custody situation. We don't like touching the toilet seat any more than you do, so why have we been burdened with this task we're destined to fail at? You might be saying, "We shouldn't have to put the seat down to go." Well, I don't think we should have to put the seat up to go and then back down after. Who decided you were the only ones that get to come in and do your business with no setup or tear-down?
Now that we've added a little perspective to issue, let's face the facts. Ladies, you're better than us. We admit that. When it comes to things like this, we fail horribly and you thrive. So show us how it's done. Take over lid duties and put that thing back up when you're done. Flip the script on us!
Imagine how many laughs you and your girlfriends can have at our expense when you're out for a girls' night having margaritas or cosmos or whatever kind of fruity bulls--- drink you enjoy. You can trade quips like, "My sorry ass man couldn't even handle putting the toilet seat back down. I showed him!" Imagine all the high fives and you-go-girls you'll be getting from friends and female strangers alike. Those basic bitches that still depend on a man for their bathroom comfortability can't touch you... they can't even see you! You're a badass Amazon warrior princess. An innovator. You're -- dare I say it -- the queen. Throughout the ages of time, you will be looked back upon as the one who stood up, so she could sit down. Imagine the bronze statue that will adorn many-a-future-bathroom in your honor, inscribed with the quote "I don't need a man's cooperation to use the bathroom. No one rules my throne but me. I am woman, hear me roar."
It's time to
stand up sit down for #ToiletSeatEquality. If you are woman enough, let them hear your battle cry! Print off the picture below and post it above your home toilet, your work toilet, any random toilet you damn well please, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Tinder, Farmersonly.com... everywhere! Let them know that never again will a man dictate your comfortability on the throne.